Diana the peke visited the vet and my Dad threw me under the bus for the divorce.

Diana had a very bad day today and was nearly immobile. I took her to the vet and he put her on a painkiller/anti-inflammatory for a few days to get some rest and heal up. She is still wobbly but she ate well tonight and drank water once she moved a bit. She still feels her legs and does not have an temperature to indicate an infection.  I went to Mom’s vet and the cost was only $59.00 for everything which is a lot lower cost than my other vet.  I think she has a potruding disc in her spine but I’m not an animal doctor and I prefer to start small with getting her out of pain first and give nature a shot at fixing the problem.  Diana did eat today, drank some water and went tinkle so her guts are working well. I can’t afford to invest in surgery for a 12 year old dog but I don’t want her in pain if I can help it. Heck I’m a little weak in my extremities with the CIDP but I still have a good quality of life.

Mom went to the pre-trial today and I’m extremely peeved as Dad says I owe him $14,000.00 and Mom $5,500 in the disclosure statements. My parent’s saved my home and car as well as paid off my credit card debt when I became disabled and for that I am grateful! But I have paid back that debt at $50.00-100.00 per month. Everytime I sold an asset from an extra home to my boat or Harley my parent’s got at least half of the money. When I sold the home I wrote a check for $28,000.00 to my Dad out of the profits. I kept about $3,000.00 from the sale  to pay off my car. I have made monthly payments of at least $50.00-$100.00 for over seven years because I owed the money. When I sold my boat Dad got half of the $1800.00 to pay my debt to him. According to Dad’s “disclosures” to the court I owe him $14,000.00 and my Mom about $5,500.00. That is a lie! It really hurts and pisses me off that he would play the game that “his kids” get their debt written off by him yet somehow I owe over $21,000 to him and Mom.  I owe them about $4,200 with the water main, the RV and the last $1300.00 of saving my butt when I got disabled, but I am making the payments.  Paying my parent’s for the help they gave me is a debt of honor. Dad wrote off “his kids debt” and that is his right. Funny how I am suddenly over $20 grand in debt when the divorce proceedings start.

I did not think my Dad saying ” He had my back”, when he was looking around for a proper place to stick in a financial  knife.  I try to be honest, straight-forward and forthright as possible and I expect the same in return and I don’t think that is an unreasonable demand of anyone. I’m very pissed about this situation. Because I tried to stay as neutral as possible even though I took Mom into my home and gave her a place to stay along with her critters.

This new year of 2015 sucks so far and it has only been 5 days! It’s not all bad I got till the 6th of January to claim a new Cuisinart pan and I think I got the correct valves for the bathroom sink. Diana the peke has eaten and drank water and while things are a bit Higgley-Piggley I think we are getting most things worked out or at least have a plan.

 

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12 Responses to Diana the peke visited the vet and my Dad threw me under the bus for the divorce.

  1. Patti says:

    Jamie,

    I am glad Diana is a little better. Don’t feel bad that you cannot afford the surgery. Do what you can and love her.

    That is a shame about your dad and the disclosures.

    I have to admit, between the way the water main played out and the way your mom ended up so cash poor I was questioning his behavior, wondering if he was losing his abilities or not playing fair.

    Some people use money as a weapon when they are hurting. If that is the case, he will be sorry down the road when he has a little time to think. If he is losing his abilities, that is a whole different problem, but you can’t fix it.

    You take care.

  2. If you owe them $21K, then you only owe him $10,500. Or course, he gets his hands on the whole amount, he may try to keep her half of it. Obviously, he has children and your mother has children. I think the court might side with you. Do you have receipts or cancelled checks? Can your mother testify about your having paid it back? My ex knew he could break me financially by keeping me in court where I would have to pay for an attorney. I hope you can come through all this in good condition. He is punishing you for helping her, I am quite sure. .

  3. If there is no note promising to pay him, you don’t legally owe him anything. Never admit debt to him because you may be legally binding yourself. Do you have an attorney? You cannot afford not to have an attorney.

    When I was divorcing, my ex would submit things to the court that were false and enraged me. My attorney said he could say what he wanted, but the court would not necessarily take his word.

  4. kymber says:

    Jamie – i am so glad to hear that Diana is feeling better. if she is eating and drinking then she has a good quality of life right now maybe with pain medication she’ll still have several more years. like Patti above says, just love her and she will love you for it.

    as for what is going on with your Dad, start gathering all of your documentation right now. it sounds like he is going to play hardball and you want to be ready with every single payment that you made to him. i’m not sure why he is doing this to you and i don’t like it all. get your documents in order and get any documentation that your mom might have as well.

    your friend,
    kymber

    • Jamie says:

      Thanks kymber, Diana is still wobbly but is moving better and seems to be out of pain.

      I gave Mom the copies of the original debt and the copy of the checks so that is done.

  5. S.Lynn says:

    It’s kinda out of your hands after you present proof of what you’ve paid. Karma’s a bitch and dad might be on the receiving end of a heaping helping of it.

  6. TOR says:

    What he is trying to do is to pad his piece of the ‘liabilities’ for the financial split with your mom. It’s not about getting the money from you so much as trying to keep a bigger piece of what they had for himself.

    I can see how this is hurtful to you. That he is your step dad (?) and your mom moved in with you both probably seriously complicate matters. Maybe in time this will blow over between the two of you.

    • Jamie says:

      TOR: I understand the mindset, I simply don’t agree with it! I was understanding about my parents might get nasty with each other. Divorce is not fun and it generally is a very emotional event, but I’m not a pawn to be played simply to “get even with the other side”.
      I have been paying back what I owe every month. Both of my parents saved me when I got sick. Every chance I sold something they got at least 50% or more of any profit made. Now to state to the court I paid Dad less than 50% of the total debt really hurts! As I busted my butt and sacrificed to pay that debt!

      TOR: If you had a family member or friend that you loaned over $30 grand to save their home and car. That person had paid back over $29,000.00 and was still making payments would you state to the court they are paid, or would you wait to use that loan and hope to gain leverage for the future?

      Some things are black and white, right and wrong.

  7. TOR says:

    Jamie, My intent was to say it probably wasn’t a personal thing about you. Between hurt feelings and the tangible of money folks can do crazy things. I’m not saying it’s right but I’ve seen enough divorces to know it is not uncommon.

    Sometimes one person is a jerk and the other is a door mat; other times they are both jerks.To make it more complicated depending on our perspective we can often subconsciously overlook the person we like being a jerk.

    As to your question; to quote you “I understand the mindset, I simply don’t agree with it!” Would like to think I would behave better during a divorce but not having that experience I honestly can’t say.

    • Jamie says:

      TOR: I think I understand and I’m not angry at you or what you are saying. In some ways it seems worse that I’m being used as a bargaining chip or ploy!
      Oh I’m sure it is one of those “Just business, Nothing personal” sort of thing. I don’t see it that way nor do I want too.

      Perhaps I have a different perspective because I did lose things to creditors when I got sick. While it was humiliating and scary, it helped me realize it was just “stuff”.

      I have to work on that whole Christian forgiveness thingy some more I guess. That has always been a tough one for me!

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